Luna! a SM spoof of Oliver! Twist
by Say Youll Remember
Summary: Yup! This is my parady of the musical Oliver!, with the Sailormoon characters playing all the roles! hehe...
1. Cast of Characters

A/N: Okay, so as not to thoroughly confuse you, here is a (probably incomplete) cast of character for the following production of "Luna!". *hands you a program book*

  
  


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Luna as Oliver Twist, the poor orphan cat

  
  


Makoto as Fagin, the one who commands the band of thieves

  
  


Rei as Nancy, the victorian girl who helps the thieves

  
  


Haruka as the Artful Dodger, one of the best of Makoto's thieves

  
  


Professor Tomoe as Bill Sykes, the madman

  
  


Mamoru as Mr. Brownlow, the kindly man who helps Luna

  
  


Setsuna as Mrs. Bedwin, Mamoru's housekeeper

  
  


The Grand Zirconia as Mr. Bumble, the owner of the all-cat animal shelter

  
  


Kaori as the Widow Corney, the co-owner of the all-cat animal shelter

  
  


Artemis as the Dodger's cat

  
  


Rubeus as the coffin maker

  
  


Emerald as Rubeus' wife

  
  


Ami, Minako, and Michiru as Rei's three best friends

  
  


Eudial as Nina, the caretaker at Rubeus'

  
  


Hotaru as Charlotte, Eudial's servant

  
  


Usagi, as Luna's deceased owner

  
  


Chibiusa, as the child Usagi died giving birth to

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Act 1, Scene 1

A/N: Okay, this my warped Sailormoon spoof of the musical "Oliver!" Uh...I think I'm hyper. I think. *bounces away* *comes back* Yeah. It says in the script that that's what it is. Okay, well, just keep reading, I'll be posting the rest of the show soon!

  
  


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(The curtains open on a scene of the All-Cat Animal Shelter)

  
  


(The cats all start singing to the tune of "Food, Glorious Food")

Is it worth the meowing for?

In cat years, if we're seventy-four?

...All we ever get is old dog food!

Every day we curl up tight

And, hope and pray with all our might--

Still we get the same old dog food!

There's not some milk, not some fish we can find,

Can we purr, can we cuddle, or even scratch,

But, there's nothing to stop us from choking back furrballs,

When we all close our eyes and imagine...

Cat chow, glorious cat chow!

Steaming milk and warm water!

We pray for some right now,

Also some salmon, just out of the water!

Cool chicken and meaty chunks,

"What's next?" is the question-

Rich kitties have it, you lunks:

"Indigestion"!

Cat chow, glorious cat chow!

We're anxious to try it!

Three banquets a day:

Our favorite diet!

Just picture a great big bowl

Filled, just to make your stomach growl-

Chow!

Wonderful,

Chow!

Marvelous,

Chow!

Glorious,

Cat chow!

Cat chow, glorious cat chow!

What is there more handsome?

Gulped, swallowed or cowed-

Still worth a king's ransom!

What is it we paw about?

What gives us a sigh?

Stuffed cat kibble and meat about

Six feet high!

Cat chow glorious cat chow!

Eat right through the ground!

Put on a little weight,

Plop down with a sound!

Work up a new appetite

In this interlude...

Chow!

Once again,

Chow!

Fabulous,

Chow...

Glorious cat chow!!

  
  


(Zirconia walks in, cackling to himself)

  
  


Zirconia: Running this under-cover cat shelter was a brilliant maneuver! Now I'll be able to continue my search for Pegasus...without having to pay taxes! Muahaha!

  
  


(Once he makes it to center stage, he raises his staff to the air)

  
  


Zircon (the flying eyeball): You idiot! Why must you continuously move my perch! Day in, and day out, you have to! Day in, and day out, I am stuck between flying fur!

  
  


(One of the cats whacks Zircon to the ground, immediatly silencing him. Zirconia continues as if nothing had happened)

  
  


Zirconia: For what you are about to receive, may the lord make you truly thankful! (He mumbles under his breath) And may you never rip my cloak to shreds again. Don't you know how expensive these stupid holographic cloaks are? The technology it takes to put the face onto it is astounding!

  
  


All of the cats in monotonous unison: Me-ow!

  
  


(Kaori enters in a clawed up labcoat)

  
  


Kaori: That's it! I've had it with you! (She points an accusing finger at Zirconia) I've had it with you, I've had it with your disgusting felines, and, I've had it with your stupid eyeball!

  
  


Zirconia: But, Kaori... You know that we have to do that if we're ever going to find Pegasus...

  
  


Kaori: And! Who cares about some stupid winged horse! My mother told me they don't exist anyway...and, plus! What we need are the talismans!

  
  


Zirconia: Oh, Kaori, talismans are so out of season, though.

  
  


Kaori: I miss the good old days, back in Professor Tomoe's lab!

  
  


Zirconia: (in disgust) Tomoe? He's nothing more than a madman now.

  
  


Kaori: He was always a madman. Who else would spend hundreds of dollars on "invisible sunlight", just so that their glasses could glow in the seemingly dark?

  
  


Zirconia: This is all besides the point. You...you're fired!

  
  


Kaori: You can't fire me! You love me!

  
  


Zirconia: ...You read ahead in the script, didn't you?

  
  


Kaori: Well...duh. I had to memorize my lines, you know.

  
  


(Luna scratches Zirconia's leg)

  
  


Luna: Um, excuse me, but we really would like our food, even if it is nothing more than old moldy dog food. If you wouldn't mind getting on with this, I am the title character, and I haven't even been mentioned yet.

  
  


(A hyper hord of cats randomly pushes Kaori offstage, and into the audience. All is silent, and then Kaori is ignored, and the play continues)

  
  


Zirconia: Zircon! Fetch the dog food!

  
  


Zircon: (voice is muffled from beneath the cat who pounces on him's paw) Oh, yeah... Just ask the eyeball to do it. The little eyeball who does no more than take pictures. The little eyeball who couldn't lift the pot of dog food if his life depended on it. Just ask him... (he rolls his eye)

  
  


Luna: (whisper) What is with him?

  
  


Other cat: He just found out he needed glasses.

  
  


Luna: Oh...

  
  


(Zircon manages to escape from the cat, and exits, muttering. A moment later a large crash is heard, and dog food comes seeping onstage. After the performance, Zircon is found, crushed beneath the pot.)

  
  


(All of the cats go and start lapping up the food, except for Luna, who waits for a moment, pondering, then goes over to Zirconia)

  
  


Luna: Please sir...I want some more.

  
  


Zirconia: You stupid bald-spotted cat! Why can't you just go lick it up like the others. This isn't "Miss Manners"!

  
  


Luna: Uh...well, what could get me kicked out of here?

  
  


Zirconia: Informing the government of my true conspirical reasons for running this shelter...but, how could you? You're just a stupid cat! (laugh)

  
  


(Luna has disappeared)

  
  


Zirconia: Stupid cat. Stupid...TALKING CAT!!! (Wow...the thought finally struck him that Luna could actually tell somebody) No!! Come back, Kitty! I was just kidding about telling the government! I'll kick you out anyway!! Please, come back, Kitty!

  
  


(Suddenly, Three Lights music starts playing)

Zirconia: What is that damn music?!

  
  


Seiya: Uh...the band just all caught something (hmm..doubt it was the flu... ehehe), so we were hired to do the rest of the music... It says in the script, "Play the title song, "Luna""... But, we don't know that song.

  
  


Yaten: So we decided to play something cooler! (he flips his hair)

  
  


Zirconia: IT DOESN'T MATTER! We need Luna to sing "Luna", and she just left to tattle on me! (mutters to himself) "Tattle"? I think I've been spending to much time around PallaPalla. (talking to Seiya again) Ugh. I need some Advil. Just, drop the curtain, and we'll have an unplanned and exceedingly early intermission. It will give the audience something to talk about later.

  
  


(the curtain drops, and since these are, after all, cartoon characters, it falls right ontop of Zirconia)

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A/N: Okay, was that weird? *cackles like an insane fool* *runs away, humming "Food, Glorious Food"*

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
